7 Lessons from my good old friend DEATH

Death has been very present in my life recently, specifically in 3 forms.  One, my father died in April;  Two, because of his departure the family dynamics changed completely leaving me with a sister who would rather not speak to me, and three, I have been sick ever since and throughout the whole time.

For the past 10 days I have been in bed, no light (it disturbed me), very little contact with the outside world, and no practice. All I could do was sleep.  This was all a consequence of a very strong medication I had to take to cure an infection. The medication solved the infection issue but left me very debilitated to the point of exhaustion.

The day my brother and my husband took me to the emergency room of a Buenos Aires hospital I was relieved to hear the doctor tell me that just water would wash the medication out of my system, that it would take a few more days, maybe 5 or 6, but that it would do it.  I was not so relieved when my brother mentioned how it was cool to know that I was not dying, at least not that day, but that we were all dying.

Death is so present in our lives these days.  Back in the dark room, during the moments I could stay awake I wondered about death, and heard her share some secrets with me, here are the ones I jotted down:

Get those place mats:
I know this may not make a lot of sense but then again, I was in that haze that you only enter when you get in touch with death, I was thinking about how I like place mats, and the secret was to just go all out and get those beautiful place mats, then use them, again and again, enjoy them.  We do not need to have 20 different sets, just one that we love, then enjoy them.

Accepting death in life
My sister is very angry at me. She has her reasons, and she prefers not to talk to me unless is about questions I might have on legal issues.  Having a father die and then suddenly not  being able to talk to or see my sister feels very much like death again.  I am hurt about it, I miss her.  Can I, however, accept that she prefers to stay away?  can I honor her wish to stay away from me?  As difficult as this one is for me, all I can say is that I can, for now, for today, and pray that a miracle might happen between us where we can be close again before the shadow illusion of this lifetime fades.

Life is about peace
In my post about the book on Krishnamacharya, I was amazed by the answer the master  gave to the student when he inquired on his death bed “What is important in life“. One of the answers he gave was “tranquility of mind“.  As I laid on the bed I realized how important it is to have that certain level of tranquility, for everything, for creativity, for peace, for meditation, for a good life.  I continue to aim to eliminate drama from my life daily, I notice how much more profitable it is to have the energy for creative endeavors.

Never take health for granted
Every word that was said to me as I was being taken to the emergency room counted.  A “strong” word was felt in my bones, made me sicker.  Sweet words or hearing my husband say: “you are going to be OK” was incredible helpful.  Next time you are around someone sick, reassuring them is good, even if it sounds phony. Health is a beautiful flower that needs nurturing, gratitude, prayer, dance, a walk to the river, a good nap, a little chocolate, and lots of laughter.

Sometimes death just happens
As I recovered the only magazine in the room was the New Yorker from last week, and what do you know? in it there was an article about a woman for whom living was not an option, she had a type of cancer that kept spreading and the family horrified clinged to life because accepting death is just too frightening.  Here is the article. I believe making friends with death is a priority, we have this awful fear of it in the West, I know because I do, but maybe, there is a way to use death as a friend, maybe.

Death is a good ally
Meditating on the impermanence of my life, the fragility of my practice, how human I am, how I can be gone at any moment made me crudely aware of what my priorities are.  Being with loved ones, sharing what I have, giving a hand where I can, celebrating life, hugging my brother one more time, making a meal a work of art.  Also, bringing peace and eliminating drama, speaking sweetly, using nice words, being kind, respecting and acknowledging children, playing more, swimming in the river.

That good old present moment
Riding the elevator 9 floors as I visited my brother for the past 10 days was an exercise in patience. I noticed how I would get anxious, how difficult it is to stay in the present and enjoy, what? the elevator mirrors?  It is however in the clinging that misery starts, being fully present allows death to flow with things, to become part of the cycle of this present moment that is passing. It is a portal to awareness, to how my breath is flowing, to how it is so miraculous that I am alive, right here, right now, even if on a mundane elevator.

As per my practice today was the first time I got on the mat again.  My ankles look swollen, my body a bit stiff, and all I could do was half of primary.  I am choosing to stay present, to let this day be this day.  Tomorrow’s practice will take care of itself, may God chose to let me still be here.

In gratitude for this moment…

How do you feel about death?  have you learned anything from her wisdom?